Several days ago our family started feeling a little stir crazy. So the boys all decided to get buzz cuts from my mom. And then they pressured me into getting one as well! With baby Annie already having short hair, that only leaves Katy in our family with long hair. Not sure whether she will reach her breaking point soon or not, but she is definitely running out of rooms in our house to paint. G.I. Katy?…only time will tell :).
The haircut actually feels pretty good. Might have to keep it for a while.
Part of me wanted the haircut because I knew I needed one. But another part of me wanted one because I wanted to feel like I had done something productive. At the beginning of the week, I felt very optimistic that I could make the most of this COVID-19 interim period by knocking out all sorts of things (starting a blog, posting encouraging videos, quickly touching base with all our church members, etc.).
But after recovering from a non-COVID virus that knocked me out for several days during the middle of the week, I discovered that several things at home now urgently required my attention as well (homeschooling, helping more with our kiddos, etc.). My expectations of peak productivity needed reevaluating. And that left me frustrated and disappointed.
As I’ve reflected on this feeling (this wanting so badly to do more than I can realistically accomplish given the current season we are in), I was reminded of another time in my life.
It was the summer of 2016. We were heading head back to Texas from Tennessee for me to become Pastor at FBC Robinson. I wanted so badly to hit the ground running. Hitting the ground and laying there was more like it.
Before arriving in Robinson, I had a blood clot. Then, not soon after starting my new role, my auto-immune disease flared up miserably. I was forced to stay home most days, feeling awful and unproductive. Our church’s 150th anniversary was just a few days away, and I was laid up in a hospital bed. I can remember thinking, “I don’t need to be here, this is all gonna go away soon.” I didn’t even want to take off my clothes and put on my hospital gown.
I now know why a person treated in a hospital is called a “patient.” It requires a special kind of waiting to get the help you really need, especially the more severe the ailment. And the most severe heart ailment we can know is that of a prideful self-sufficiency.
As unproductive as it seems, sometimes the best thing we can do is wait and let God be productive. If your current season of life forces you to wait, then know this: God never wastes our waiting. He loves you even when you feel like your productivity warrants otherwise.
The worst thing you can do is try to be productive in your own strength, when God is telling you to wait for His. I now see that God did a deep work in me during that time. One I could never have produced in myself through my own working.
While waiting for Easter this week, may Christians everywhere remember that our waiting will soon find that God has produced, (without our help), a resurrected Jesus! And may we trust that He is doing something in us when we feel like we aren’t doing enough for Him.